Judgement Afternoon
by OTR Barcelona
Summary: The Doctor spends an afternoon in an isolation tank and runs into his first self. Old Grumpy wants to have a chat with each of his regenerations to see what they have done with his legacy. Who is the eleventh Doctor to refuse?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

He was falling through time and space. He didn't know where he was going or what he was doing. He only had one thought: did someone leave the kettle on? No, that wasn't it. Wasn't it something to do with reversing the polarity of the neutron flow, or how sticks of celery tied to your lapel are insanely cool? He tried blinking hard, and produced a corridor of shimmering sparks before his eyes that his astral form fired itself through like a photon cannon ball.

Trying to right himself he jolted himself forward only to receive a glancing blow to the forehead before splashing back into the bath of soothing water. That's when he remembered: the isolation tank. It was a present from one of Clara's more eclectic friends. The present had actually been for Clara herself, but she had received an emergency call at the last second; class 11F had an extra session that afternoon, but their teacher hadn't arrived. She would have rather taken on a host of Weeping Angels than a group of hormone laden 16-year olds asking her about her personal life, but if these bright sparks were to become the decision makers of the future, they would need to understand the intricacies of President Roosevelt's Alphabet Agencies first.

So when she took off on her cute little motorbike, which wasn't disguised as a police box, and didn't make a "whooshing" sound upon materialising (in fact it didn't materialise at all), the Doctor just had to step in. Literally. If nothing else, just because the isolation tank would be all booked up for the next eight weeks.

It was just as he began to realise that, if he had to drift through the cosmos, he would rather be in the comfort of his own TARDIS, that the illusion of stars began to give way. The glowing matte of flashing pin pricks began to melt in front of him, but it was the smell that he noticed first. It was like the smell of flicking through the pages of a dusty old book and wondering what nuggets nestle within its pages. As he savoured his first deep breath, he became aware that his feet had sunk into a heavy carpet. He snapped open his eyes to see where he was. It was a library. He was in front of two bookshelves of dark mahogany laden with tomes that frankly looked older than himself. The shelves were split apart by a roaring log fire above which was a painting. It took a moment for him to realise what it was as his eyes became accustomed to the dark. His mouth dropped open as he realised it was a skilled painting of a blue police box: the disguise his TARDIS had been wearing for the last millennium. Almost without thinking he took a step towards it, reaching out his hand. But before he felt the dried brush strokes, he heard a voice, an eerie, familiar voice behind him.

"Well what did you expect to find here?" The voice had a superior, patronising tone. As he whirled around, he knew exactly who would be standing there. Yet still, his left heart skipped a beat. There before him was the man who had seen the early caveman discover fire, who had fought back the Dalek invasion of earth and had met with the Azteks. It was the Doctor. The first Doctor, with a withered face, silver hair, and leaning on his cane. He went on. "Don't you remember what it said in the advertisement?"

The eleventh Doctor folded his arms. "I remember exactly what it said. Word for word".

The first Doctor raised a chastising finger. "A rhetorical question, my dear boy. Any Gallifreyan would be able to remember every last detail or he would hardly be deserving of his heritage, now would he? The purpose of my question was not to test your memory but your reasoning ability".

The eleventh Doctor was beginning to feel glad he'd only experienced this grumpy chap from the inside as he recalled the advertisement. "'Aceteck Isolation Tanks. Cut yourself off from the outside world to find your true self'".

The first Doctor smiled. "Which, for a human, is a very simple matter. But to a Timelord, who can have many true selves…"

The eleventh Doctor cut him off and pointed to his own head. "So that means you're all in here? All ten of you? Rocketing around my head like ball bearings in a giant pinball machine?"

"My dear boy, I have no idea what you're rattling on about. Nonetheless, it is true that your experience in this clumsy human device has revealed parts of you which you had thought long forgotten".

"So you're all still there somewhere?"

"Tell me, who do you think it is that dreams your dreams?"

The eleventh Doctor slapped his own forehead. "Okay, that's it, I want out! If I knew that a session in the tank would mean a lecture with Old Grumpy, I'd have found a nice little knitting class to go to!"

"Or perhaps you could humour me".

"What do you mean?"

"My dear boy, most of your travels and vicissitudes are still in my future".

"So?"

"So I would like to see what the men that followed me have done with my legacy".

The eleventh Doctor took a deep breath. "You mean you want to meet them? All your other selves?"

"Quite, quite. After all, wouldn't you be interested in meeting your next regeneration?

"Well, that's where we differ, because I'm the last".

The first Doctor could only smile and gently shake his head. "My dear boy, have you not yet grasped the notion of future uncertainty? The future isn't writ. Not for anyone. And certainly not for you. Now, come on, let's establish some rules. After all, what have you to lose? It's not like your surrendering to a horde of Daleks".

"No, I'm surrendering to a man who wanted to crush a caveman's skull".

"Oh, please, let's not keep going back to that. After all, our ability to change is the whole point of this discussion, is it not?"

The eleventh Doctor ran his hand through his hair. "All right. You get one session. With each of your lives. When you want to go to the next one, click your fingers".

"I'm afraid I no longer find that so easy, young man. Give me a password, something to say".

The eleventh Doctor smiled. "Okay. How about 'fish fingers and custard'?"

The first Doctor screwed his face up in disgust. "What a revolting idea. Next you'll be telling me I develop a penchant for those horrible jelly babies".

The eleventh Doctor sighed even as the older, more cantankerous man pointed a finger at him. "So to you, my future self, I say 'fish fingers and custard'!"

With that the eleventh Doctor vanished from his own hallucination. There was no puff of smoke, no energy signature to mark his passing. Only that in his place was now a smaller, seemingly middle aged man, wearing a thick brown fur coat tied about his waist with a piece of rope. He lowered the recorder he had casually been carrying. "Oh, confound those teleportation devices, I can never seem to get them to work!". He raised his head to notice the silver haired man facing him and took in a deep breath. "Oh, it's you. And I suppose I'm in for a severe telling off?"


	2. Chapter 2

**The Second Doctor**

The two men stood in the dusty old library just regarding each other. There was an uncomfortable silence between them, one that the second Doctor just couldn't tolerate any longer. "Well come on then, say what you have to say. I have plenty of things to do with my time, like fix that confounded teleporter! If you have something to say, say it. Otherwise, just let me go on my way".

The first Doctor grasped his lapels and breathed in like he was about to deliver a long oratory. "Well I should think I have something to say! What have you done? Where is your dignity? And why are you dressed like that?"

"Well it fits doesn't it? It's comfortable. That was always your problem, you know, you always had to appear so much better. Are you aware how many ice planets there are out there? Or planets like earth that have ice ages every so often?"

"But what about my legacy? You still call yourself 'the Doctor' do you not? And why should anyone look to you for answers dressed like that?"

"Should they always look to me for answers?"

"Certainly! If you travel with human companions it is only logical for them to look to you for an answer for every question they have! You are their intellectual superior. You must be aware of your proper station!"

The second Doctor waved the recorder around in the air, so fast that it blurted out a rather clumsy G flat. "Oh tommyrot! How are they ever to believe in themselves if I…", he paused and blinked, "…_we _do everything for them? They aren't without potential themselves, and isn't that the role of a teacher? To let his students realise their potential?"

As the second Doctor said these words, he noticed that the first Doctor's eyes were tightly shut. He realised that he was accessing his future memories. This was a shared psyche after all. But he still couldn't shake the feeling that his predecessor was somehow cheating. The first Doctor opened his eyes. "And what about the Scottish barbarian? Did he realise his potential?"

"Jamie? Of course. As two men, both out of time, we became more like friends than student and teacher".

The first Doctor shook his head. "No. I can see. You simply don't understand, do you?"

"Understand what?!"

"You don't understand that all you gave your companions was a false hope. You allowed them to believe they were something they were not, that they could be your equal in all your adventures. And where is 'Jamie' now? Is he a leading scientist or explorer? Has his time travelling with you even changed him one bit?"

"Well now that's unfair. He doesn't remember his time in the TARDIS".

"And I suppose that's just as well. It's good that he doesn't remember your sugar coated version of the universe where a barbarian in a kilt can hold back the Dalek hordes!"

"Now just one minute there! You know as well as I do that the universe is a dangerous place! If we are to let humanity fly to the stars then surely we have to give them the confidence to believe that they can do it!"

"And who said it has to be us who lets humanity see the stars? Who appointed you to be the human race's astral guide?"

"Well no one. But don't forget you were quite happy to take human companions as well. Even kidnapped the first two as I recall".

"There we go again. Total exaggeration. I merely grew tired of planet earth in 1963 and left".

"And how much longer would it have taken you to let them out of the TARDIS before leaving? Ten seconds? Twenty?"

"It was they who entered the TARDIS. Surely it was their responsibility to leave, seeing as they were so anxious to force their way in".

The second Doctor folded his arms. "You are totally impossible".

The first Doctor raised his head. "A fact I am supremely proud of".

"Yes", replied the second Doctor, "even though I was every bit as effective as you were. Maybe more".

The first Doctor's face turned into a mask of rage. "Effective? You?!"

"Well let's just say I didn't have to rely on Ian Chesterton half of the time".

"And you didn't rely on your companions?"

"Not in the same way you did. I allowed them to get us out of difficult situations. You needed Chesterton. And all the others for that matter, you needed them. You just don't have the humility to admit it".

"Humility? Yes, I suppose that's it. And you, my dear fellow, are the very embodiment of humility. Flying around space and time, dressed as a cosmic hobo, playing a recorder. Why you belong in a circus tent, not in the TARDIS. It's no wonder the Timelords put a stop to you".

The second Doctor frowned. "How dare you! You mean to say they were right to do what they did?"

The first Doctor raised a chastising finger. "You had begun to falter. To take too much interest in earth. To allow history to be changed. The fundamental laws of the universe aren't to be trifled with, even by us".

"But I was only trying to do good".

"You were doing so much good that the universe would have eventually become reliant on you. The only universe that can progress is a universe that helps itself".

"Which is precisely why I made sure my friends believed in themselves. Only the Timelords were too much like you to see it".

"What did you say?"

"That in all your arrogance, you began to become the very thing you were trying to get away from. Your regeneration into me was the best thing that could have happened. For you, for the earth, for the entire universe. What do you say to that, Doctor?"

The first Doctor screwed up his face. "Oh… Fish fingers and custard!"

For a tiny sliver of time, a look of abject horror crossed the second Doctor's face. Then, as quickly as he arrived, he disappeared, only to be replaced by a taller man with greying hair in a splendid burgundy suit. He looked as if he had been concentrating on something as he glanced up at the first Doctor. "Oh, my turn, is it. I'll be with you in a second. Just when I've reversed the polarity of the neutron flow".

The first Doctor shook his head in pity. "My dear fellow, how can you reverse the polarity of a neutron flow when it is electrons, not neutrons that flow around a circuit?"

The newcomer stood up, his previous problem seemingly forgotten. "I'm sorry?"

"I think it's time we had a talk about that and all your other grandiose claims, isn't it, my good man?"


	3. Chapter 3

**The Third Doctor**

Snapping off his sonic screwdriver, the third Doctor stood at his full height, a look of clear disdain creasing his brow. "Claims? What claims do you mean?"

The first Doctor adopted his patronising smile, the look that suggested absolutely anyone should be able to guess what he was thinking, with the sole exception of the man he was talking to. "Well, that you can reverse the polarity of a neutron flow. Something you are particularly fond of saying".

The third Doctor exhaled impatiently. "Is that all?"

"Hardly. What about deliberately trying to give the impression that you have somehow mastered the art of Venusian Aikido? It may have impressed the lovely Jo Grant, but to someone who knows there is no such thing…"

"Look! In the course of working with human, those such as us, who have travelled in the forth dimension, sometimes need to simplify what we say to grant them understanding!"

"Grant _them _understanding?! This of course coming from the Doctor who couldn't pilot the TARDIS?"

"You know full well that the Timelords deliberately took that ability away from me! My first memory was recovering from the trauma of what was, in effect, my own execution. Something you never had to deal with, but had no small part in causing when you ran off. And besides, I learnt how to fly it again. Something you never had to do".

The first Doctor's expression grew even more smug. "And in the meantime, you spent all your time on a primitive mud ball, trying to impress the United Nations Intelligence Taskforce with elementary Gallifreyan science".

"No, I worked with UNIT to defend the earth from all manner of deadly dangers. I saved the world more times that you ever did!"

"Yes, from creatures you probably attracted".

The third Doctor looked disgusted. "What did you say?"

"Creatures that you attracted. It was hardly coincidence, don't you think, that so many creatures came to imperil the earth while you were on it? The Sontarans, the Autons. And of course the biggest threat of all: the Master. A rogue Timelord I had always kept one step ahead of. But now he knew you were stuck on one planet, he couldn't resist. You knew he wouldn't!"

"As I said before, the Timelords had stranded me on earth and removed the secret of the TARDIS from my mind. And besides, I always managed to keep the Master at bay".

"There again, that absurd arrogance. You know the Master was always your superior. He scored higher than you at every test in the Academy".

"No, my dear man, he scored higher than you. Two regenerations on and I beat him at every turn, and with far more primitive technology".

The first Doctor gave a mirthless laugh.

"What?!" asked the third Doctor.

"Primitive technology. Now why don't we talk about that".

The third Doctor rubbed his hands together. "Yes, let's".

"All right then. Tell me about Bessie".

The third Doctor abruptly stopped rubbing his hands and turned a shade redder. "What about Bessie?"

"Well, she was you trusted little yellow car, was she not? Did you not take go on little drives with her through the English countryside looking rather foolish?"

"Are you suggesting she made me look ridiculous?"

"Why no, my dear boy, you managed that all on your own! She just made you look more ridiculous!"

"Well what about the TARDIS itself? It was hardly a hip disco piece, now, was it?"

"My dear boy, I have no idea what you are talking about. Suffice it to say that the TARDIS looked as it did to blend in. Bessie had the opposite effect on you. And then jumping out of helicopters, piloting primitive hover cars. You weren't merely _using _primitive technology. You were glorifying every second of it! You were trying to look like that Jimmy Bond!"

A hint of a grin returned to the third Doctor's face. "Something I did rather well, I thought".

"Well there we go again. Misplaced pride. Of course you looked good next to a human! You are from a superior species".

The third Doctor folded his arms. "Do you really think we're superior?"

"Why yes, of course, I'm rather flabbergasted you asked me that question! We were travelling through the cosmos when they were still savages living in caves!"

"You mean like that 'savage' you tried to kill?"

The first Doctor grunted. "Is everyone going to mention that?"

"Well let's just say if you presume to judge us, can't we all judge you? After all it was your running from Gallifrey that caused the Timelords to chase us in the first place. And at every turn, you had to prove to them just how superior you were!"

"Well I am superior".

"Intellectually, perhaps. But there are other ways and means to evaluate people. Humans may be primitive, but the human heart has just as great a capacity for good as those of any Gallifreyan. Maybe more".

"And if that is all you can say, your argument fails right there. It is in intellectual excellence that races must be measured. It is the only metric that truly counts".

The third Doctor laughed quietly. This only proved to annoy his predecessor. "What's so funny".

"Well it just occurred to me that if that's the only metric that matters, you have to admit that the Master is superior to you".

A look of abject rage filled the first Doctor's face. "Fish fingers and custard!"

The third Doctor moved to point at him only to silently disappear. He was replaced by a seemingly younger man with a mop of curly brown hair partially hidden by a wide brimmed hat. He wore a light beige coat, and had a scarf so long around his neck that one end dragged along the floor. He looked toward his predecessor and spoke with a deep booming voice. "Ah, hello. And I suppose I am to be next then". As he spoke he raised a small paper bag. "But first, would you like a jelly baby?"

With a speed that belied his age, the first Doctor raised his cane, knocking the bag out of the other man's hand. Lots of tiny sweets fell to the floor. The first Doctor grinned at the other man who frankly looked shocked. "Well that's just wonderful. I knew my cane would come in handy".


	4. Chapter 4

**The Fourth Doctor**

The new arrival took in a deep breath and widened his eyes in what any casual onlooker could have easily interpreted as abject shock. "Now why would you do that?" he boomed.

"For the same reason I now do this". The white haired man closed his eyes and concentrated. With a series of pops the strewn sweets vanished into nothingness one by one. "Well it is my mindscape after all. I can't have litter lying around".

The fourth Doctor stood to his full height. "'Litter?' You just wiped out twenty-seven pounds worth of jelly babies! People on Raxos IV would kill for such treasure!"

"'Twenty-seven pounds'? What kind of puerile confectionery is possibly worth that?!"

"Why confectionery from the 84th Century of course. Jelly babies may endure forever, but even men such as we can't top inflation".

The first Doctor looked disappointed. "They still have those horrible things in the 84th century?"

The man in the scarf shot his predecessor a grin so wide his face could barely contain it. "Why of course! They may have filled in the Grand Canyon by then but true genius…" he flicked his fingers and a red sweet appeared in his hand, "… now that endures!" He popped the sweet into his mouth. "Sontaran passion fruit!" he exclaimed. "The best flavour in eternity!" He took a moment to savour the taste and then swallowed it. "Now, much as I would absolutely love to stand in this dusty library talking about earth haute cuisine, I presume you have summoned me here for quite another reason. Something to do with your legacy?"

"Quite, quite. Although I think I've seen enough of you already".

"Seen enough of me? I hardly think so! Why back in the day the universe simply couldn't get enough of me! But tell me what you've seen, Doctor. Tell me what you think".

"I 'think', my good man, that you have taken so much to trivialities and the most sublime of minutiae that you have forgotten what is truly important in life".

"'Trivialities'? 'Minutiae'? But these are the very things that make the tapestry of the universe so rich! Why if I couldn't enjoy a jelly baby after taking on an army of Cybermen, what would all my struggles be for?"

"Well, talking of struggles, my good man, what about that scarf? It looks terribly cumbersome and must get in the way of things".

"Well, yes it is. And it does. But it certainly keeps you warm on an ice planet".

"And what about that hat? It would make you look like a farmer if the rest of you wasn't so… bohemian!"

"'Bohemian'?" The fourth Doctor grinned. "Well, yes, I suppose I am. But it does get me noticed!"

"Yes, I'm sure it does. As I recall, the Timelords noticed you only too often. They persisted in sending you on outlandish missions that took you away from your true purpose".

"And what is my 'true purpose', Doctor? Enlighten me!"

"To travel, to observe, and to only take action when absolutely necessary!"

"Yes, quite right. But it turned out to be absolutely necessary for me quite a lot, wouldn't you say?"

"Nothing in all our lives was more necessary than stopping the creation of the Daleks. It was you, only you, who had that chance. And you squandered it!"

"But Sarah and Harry! Their lives were in danger!"

"Two people's lives. What about all the millions of lives the Daleks took over the years?"

"But what about the billions of lives that would have been taken in countless wars by peoples whose fear of the Daleks united them?"

"My dear boy, surely you must understand that what you are saying is pure speculation. You can't possibly know about what worlds the Daleks would have enslaved had you halted their genesis".

The fourth Doctor puffed out his cheeks. "Glom".

"What did you say?"

"Glom. A small world near Raxicorico—however you pronounce it. When I was on Skaro, I noticed that the early Daleks were very interested in visiting that world. But since I halted their development, they must have altered their plans, and as far as I know, the Absorbaloffs have never come into contact was Davros' evil creations".

The first Doctor snorted. "You say that as if it is a good thing".

"Well for the Absorbaloffs it certainly is! Anyway, I was sent to Skaro by the Timelords. It wasn't like I had time to plan".

"And as I say, my dear fellow, you allowed the Timelords to meddle in your affairs far too often. For instance, have you forgotten about the assassination attempt on Gallifrey? How the Master trapped you in a virtual world?"

"Well of course I do. He called it the 'Matrix' as I recall. And do you know I managed to get out of it without bending a single spoon!"

"My dear boy, you are even more obtuse than your predecessors! And what about your choice of companion?"

"Are you talking about Romana? If that's the case, remember that she was one of the few Timelords with multiple-choice regenerations. She went through a whole catalogue of possibilities in front of me, so in a way, she was her own choice of companion, if you get my meaning".

The first Doctor shook his head patronisingly. "Unbelievable. You instantly jump to the most reliable companion you had".

"Well, which one are you talking about? Leela?" The first Doctor shook his head.

"Harry? Sarah-Jane? Adric?"

"No, you fool", cried the first Doctor. "I'm talking about that metal dog!"

"K-9? How could you be so cruel to man's metal best friend?"

"I'll tell you how; in my day, I relied on my wits, my cunning and my courage".

"And occasionally Ian Chesterton".

"Is everyone going to mention that?"

"Well, sorry, but it was really quite evident. He often did things that old infirm body of yours simply wasn't up to".

"And a tin dog was?!"

"K-9 was cutting edge! True sometimes his motivators and sensors needed maintenance, but he was the most faithful companion I've ever had. His calculations could rival the TARDIS computers!"

"Unlike those dreadful ones you helped advertise!"

"Well, we have to give the humans hope! After all, if we can't bring them something to hope for, why we have no business setting foot on their world!"

"And you gave them hope?"

The forth Doctor beamed his broad grin again. "Why, yes. Hope, hope and even more hope".

"And how did you do that?"

"My dear, dear former self, how do you not see that? While you may have piqued their appetites with the notion of being simply wanderers in the fourth dimension, I did something far more. I took my companions to the far reaches of time and space, and I wasn't afraid to do it in an over long scarf and wide-brimmed hat. I showed them that there is a time and a place in eternity to enjoy a simple jelly baby with a wide smile on one's face, and that the joys the continuum has to offer can be anyone's for the taking, be he, or she, reporter, Timelord, human, or metal dog. And I wasn't too scared to have a little fun doing it!"

The first Doctor shook his head. "I can see I'm really not going to get through to you, am I?"

"Most certainly not! But before I go, won't you once try a jelly baby? They really are quite good!"

"My dear boy, much as I am loath to mention human food, there is only one to which I now wish to allude".

"You don't mean…?"

"I'm afraid I do. Time to say 'fish fingers and custard'!"

And with that the forth Doctor vanished, only to be replaced by an even younger man, dressed in a cream coloured suit and wearing something rather odd on his lapel, which the first Doctor immediately noticed. "And what, may I ask, is that?" he cried.

The fifth Doctor gave a warm grin. "It's a stick of celery".

"I can see that, young man. Why are you wearing it?"

"It can detect radiation".

"My dear boy, what is wrong with a Geiger counter?"

A hint of a frown crossed the fifth Doctor's face. "You can't eat a Geiger counter?"

The first Doctor stifled a "hmmf!"

The fifth Doctor took in a deep breath. "This isn't going to be easy, is it?"


	5. Chapter 5

**The Fifth Doctor**

The first Doctor tugged at his lapels. "Well, my dear boy, I imagine you never thought you'd have to justify yourself to me, now, did you?"

The fifth Doctor's face was a mask of shame as he looked down at what he was wearing. When he replied, it was slowly, with a soft voice. "No, I suppose I didn't. But look, whatever you want to know I'm sure I can provide some sort of reasonable explanation".

"Well I should hope so. In particular, I would like an explanation of…"

The fifth Doctor cut him off. "The Great Fire of London. Yes, I thought you might mention that. But the earth was under attack. A race called the Terrileptils had infiltrated seventeenth century Britain. If I hadn't done what I had to do, the human race may not have survived". He blinked and looked up sharply. "But having said that, the Great Fire of London is a fixed point in time. You do understand that, don't you?"

The first Doctor nodded quickly. "Quite, quite. I think you'll find I understand it better than anyone. It's just that…"

Again the fifth Doctor jumped the gun. "Adric? It's Adric, isn't it? You want me to talk about Adric. Poor Adric. He was misunderstood, you know. He just wanted to be part of something. To fit in. And he had such a keen mind. Mathematical puzzles, he lived for them, you know. So when he thought he'd found a solution to the problem on the Cybermen's ship, he had to prove himself. You understand that, don't you?"

"Of course I do, my good man. And, by his very death, he precipitated yet another fixed event in time. The extinction of the earth dinosaurs. An event which was entirely necessary if the human race were going to one day populate the planet. But no, my boy, what I wanted to talk to you about was something of a more personal nature".

The fifth Doctor gulped. "Personal? You don't mean…?"

The first Doctor nodded. "Yes. I am of course referring to…"

"The sharpness of my mind? Well, yes, I understand you would. You see I came out of my regeneration addled. I'd fallen from a great height fighting the Master. I don't even think I was self aware when I felt a great force merging with me, the Watcher, causing me to regenerate. It was a dreadful trauma, and I think it's perfectly understandable that my mathematical ability suffered somewhat. Still, it wasn't exactly befitting of a Timelord, was it. But at least I had Adric around for the most part. Poor Adric. But it was that same trauma that led me to unwind that ridiculously long scarf. I'm sure I felt you in my head before I did that".

The first Doctor let out a sigh. "Young man, what I was actually referring to was more to do with the nations on this planet you became most affiliated with; the United Kingdom and her colonies".

"Colonies? Ah, so you're referring to Tegan. You know, she was really very helpful. She was so often out of her depth, but she really tried hard. For someone who was only trained in serving food and showing people how to pull masks over their faces, her exploits in travelling with me were really quite extraordinary. And she was invaluable to me when the Master stole Concorde. But still, I just wanted to help her get to where she was going to, and that did take rather a long time, didn't it?"

The first Doctor shook his head vigorously. "No, no, no! You just don't understand, do you? You may have had failings, trials and tribulations. All of us did. Your companions may have been wilful and brash. You were persecuted by your fellow Timelords, even almost executed by them. But what I really want to know is why, for all that time, you were wearing that!" He pointed at his future self right in the chest. The fifth Doctor tugged on his pullover and looked at it for a moment. He looked up, still clearly lost in thought. And then he smiled. It was a genuine smile, full of joy, not a conceited grin. "Because I love cricket".

"Excuse me?"

"I even played it once, you know. In the 1920s. Think I did rather well if I may say so myself".

"But how can such a game hold so great a fascination for you? Why, some of the games played by children on Gallifrey are technically far advanced of that decadent earth pastime".

The fifth Doctor let out a short laugh. This only irritated his predecessor. "What's funny? Come on, what is it?"

"You".

"What do you mean, me?"

"Calling cricket 'decadent'. This is something you don't understand. You see, cricket, perhaps more than any other sport in England, is a symbol of fair play. Played and enjoyed by gentlemen, who head out onto the field and give of their best. They don't cheat. They don't hit below the belt. Win or lose, they just do the right thing. And that's always what I tried to do".

"My dear boy, sometimes you do have to punch below the belt to win".

"Then that means victory is worthless".

"And therein lies your problem, my good man. You are too gentle to be effective".

"But at least I know I was always doing the right thing. I always tried to put myself on the same level as those I travelled with. I even showed Nyssa how to pilot the TARDIS. They were never afraid of me, and that's how it should be. Now, do you have any more to say?"

"No, no, I think you've covered it. I never thought that one of my regenerations would be the living embodiment of modesty, but that's the thing about regeneration. You never know what you'll get".

"You know, if I drank, I'd drink to that!"

"Then it is time for us to part. Fish fingers and custard".

The fifth Doctor disappeared, replaced by a man in a bizarre multicoloured outfit with a mop of curly blonde hair on his head. His facial expression seemed to be one of disgust. "Do you mind, I'm not ready for you yet!"

The first Doctor tugged on his lapels. "Why? What were you were doing that was so unimportant?"

"A great many things I'll have you know! I have to ensure that my mind has its place in our current regeneration's memories, and that can be quite difficult!"

"Indeed, my good man, but not as difficult as the conversation we are about to have".

An air of pomposity seemed to seep into the new arrival. "And just what faults can you find with me?"

"Well, old boy, just from your clothes and your face you look like something a cross between an executioner and a clown. But we'll get onto that. Firstly we'll have to do something about that extreme arrogance of yours".


End file.
